Why do people talk about the No Contact Rule? Isn’t it a bit perverse? Can it help you get your ex girlfriend back?
The best thing you can do for yourself right now is make a resolution that you should have no contact with your ex girlfriend for at least a month.
- Don’t call her up saying you think you saw her today.
- Don’t call her saying you think you left something at her house.
- Don’t call her saying you just want to check she’s ok.
- Don’t call her.
And this includes texting, email and any other kind of contact. If you cannot avoid talking to her because you live or work together or have children, then keep your conversations short and confined to the subject in hand. Be polite and reasonable, but don’t engage in ‘conversation’. This also applies to meeting her accidently (not accidently-on-purpose please!) or if she calls you (this is a great sign). Be friendly, but make it clear that you are busy and can’t talk for long.
Why No Contact Works
A lot of people have a problem with the idea of “no contact”. It’s outside their comfort zone, and the fear that their ex will forget about them may be irrational, but it is very real. Even more frightening is the thought that your girlfriend may find someone else, and by appearing to ignore her you may be pushing her into his arms.
Here’s the trick. You are going to put your effort into remaking your OWN life. No Contact isn’t just a hiatus for you and your girlfriend to take some time out from each other. You need to use this time profitably so that when you DO get back in touch, your girlfriend won’t take one look at you and think ‘OMG! More of the same!’
This is your chance to move on from being the victim who was dumped. Use it to make yourself into the kind of guy any woman would want to date. It will take your mind off your breakup, rejuvenate your bruised confidence and give you a whole new outlook on life.
Call your friends, especially the ones she didn’t much like, get out of the house and meet them. Keep up your workouts (or restart them if you have lapsed) and get yourself in shape. Talk to the people you meet, wherever you meet them, especially women. Get yourself going socially and physically to give yourself a mental and physical lift. The effect on your mood will be dramatic.
What you want to do is confuse her appearing to move on from the breakup without looking desperate – which is exactly how you WILL appear if you are calling her all the time. After a breakup, people always wonder if they’ve done the right thing, and your girlfriend will be having her share of doubts.
If you chase her or try to convince her to come back, she will feel forced to defend her decision and reaffirm the breakup. But if you leave her to think about it alone, she doesn’t have to defend her position and so her doubts are more likely to predominate.
You will also be giving her a chance to miss you. She cannot miss you if you are still calling her every day. If you don’t call, you will start to instil the fear of loss in her. She will wonder why you are not devastated and will start to doubt her decision.
You will appear strong and in control instead of weak and dependent. Remember that people (especially women) are drawn to the strong and repelled by the weak. Remember too that people always want what they cannot have – or think they cannot have. Your value in her eyes will skyrocket if she starts to wonder if she has lost you for good.
A word of warning though: be careful if you are thinking of making her jealous by dating other women. This can work, but it can also backfire. Your girlfriend might think you have moved on and decide to move on herself with another guy.
She might just decide that she was right to dump you. Or you might get a rebound crush on a new woman and end up making a fool of yourself, which will devalue you further in her eyes and confirm her decision to dump you.
When to Move
Obviously No Contact is not meant to go on for ever. At some point you will want to contact her, but you need to do it in the right way – and at the right time. Strategy is everything here.
Have a look in the eBook Store where you will find specific advice on how to plan your next steps.
And try to learn a bit more about women and relationships, as this will help you in the future regardless of what happens now. Reconnecting with your girlfriend is something it’s vital you get right, as you’ll only have one chance to make it work.
Lots of men don’t find women very easy to understand, especially when there are problems between them. And looking for a ‘quick fix’ isn’t always the right solution. Even if you succeed in getting her back, it won’t last if you can’t put right what’s gone wrong.
In fact the hardest part might be creating a relationship with her that will last, so that you don’t end up in an endless breakup/makeup cycle. Get some insights on how to solve this problem for good here.
And most of all, don’t do nothing! If you do nothing, nothing will happen!