Your girlfriend cheated on you. You can hardly believe it and you’re fuming, mad with her and with yourself for trusting her. But underneath all that, you’re feeling bad – about her, and about yourself. A cheating girlfriend is a shattering blow to the ego.
Some guys never seem to have a problem keeping their women faithful, so why has your girlfriend cheated on you?
Actually, it happens more often that you may think, although lots of men don’t like admitting it, and would prefer to forget all about it – even to the point of pretending not to remember her name. Any woman will tell you that this is quite common, although a lot of them don’t really understand why.
And she probably doesn’t really understand why you can’t forgive her either. Over 90% of relationships don’t survive when the woman cheats, even when the couple do try to save it. You don’t need me to explain why, but if your girl regrets her affair and wants to make up with you, she might not realise how unlikely she is to succeed.
So before you do anything, how sure are you that your girlfriend cheated on you? Nobody likes being falsely accused, and you don’t want to risk ruining a great relationship without good cause. If you accuse her and then discover you were wrong, it will create all sorts of trust issues with her that may end up destroying your relationship anyway.
Has she admitted it? Do you have proof? Remember that sly tales or hints from dubious friends don’t qualify as unimpeachable proof.
If you’re more suspicious than sure at the moment, then stop and think about what you are doing. Have there been any real signs that your girlfriend cheated on you? Is your relationship in trouble in other ways too?
Women are less likely than men to cheat on a momentary impulse. So see if you can get some clues from your girlfriend’s recent behaviour.
Signs Your Girlfriend Cheated On You
There are telltale signs that help you tell when someone is cheating. Sometimes you will have been having relationship problems that make you doubt your girlfriend’s love, but sometimes there are no other warning signs. But if you think your girlfriend cheated on you, then see if any of these signs fit.
- You’ve been spending less time together. Has your girlfriend started to do a lot more things without you recently? If she has taken to working late or spending more time with her friends, time she used to spend with you, then you may be less of a priority for her than you were. She may have good reasons for it, and her new habits may be temporary, but it could be that she is just not as committed to your relationship as she was.
- You no longer have fun together. If her first choice for fun times is no longer to share them with you, then you definitely have a problem. She might not have found someone else, but she certainly isn’t getting what she wants from your relationship any more. Things are getting boring, and she is looking elsewhere for the solution.
- She shows you less affection than she used to. Some women can love two guys at the same time, but lots can’t. When a woman makes love to a new man, she may withdraw physically from her boyfriend. If your girlfriend cheated on you, she may be much less ready for kisses and cuddles with you, as well as sex. Any sudden coldness towards you is a sign of problems, although it’s not proof that the problem is her infidelity.
- She starts changing her appearance. If a woman who was letting her appearance slide a bit suddenly goes on a diet and starts working out, then she’s trying to impress somebody. It could be herself, it could be you – or it could be another man. Unless she’s talked to you about giving herself a makeover, there’s always a chance that Mr Next In Line is the happy object of her efforts.
- You catch her telling lies. Has she become protective of her cell phone, her computer and her handbag, when she used to leave them just lying around? This could be because they hold secrets she’s desperate to keep from you. Have you caught her lying about her whereabouts and who she’s been with? This all adds up to her hiding something, which could be that your girlfriend cheated on you.
The more of these signs you recognise, the more likely it is that she’s deceiving you. At some point you will have to confront her, but try to get some solid proof before you do, as it’s always possible that you’ve jumped to conclusions in a fit of paranoia.
If you know for sure that your girlfriend cheated on you, then you’ve reached a crisis. If the big scene doesn’t end with her walking out, then you have two choices: you can dump her or you can try to forgive her and get her back.
Dumping her is the straightforward option, but however satisfying, it will also be painful.
Forgiving her will be hardest of all, and you should be very sure of your motives before you start down that road. Not many men succeed at this kind of forgiveness, even with the best intentions.
Whatever happens, you need to be able to move on without letting the experience ruin your next relationship.
Forgive But Don’t Forget; Learn From Your Mistakes
I can guess that forgiveness is not much on your mind right now. But anger and bitterness are very destructive, and they will poison your future relationships if you hold on to them. Think of forgiveness as the best present you can give yourself.
As long as you allow her the power to anger and hurt you, you are also allowing her to go on controlling you and your life. You don’t need to like her again; you just need to forgive yourself for not seeing what was happening sooner, and let the past go.
Don’t blame yourself, but think about what you might want to change next time to make your next relationship better; and think too about how you could have chosen better. Did your ex show signs of shallowness, flakiness or lack of character? Then next time try to choose a woman who doesn’t have those faults.
It’s Not (Usually) You, It’s Her
Were you a good boyfriend to her?
If you were cruel or abusive in any way, then she might justifiably claim that you drove her to it. If this is you, then you should be seeking help. But assuming you treated her well and had a good relationship with her; then you shouldn’t feel that you are to blame.
In the end, when someone cheats, it’s down to them. No-one forced them to do it, no matter how much they may try to blame you and claim it wasn’t their fault. Cheating is always a choice.
You may have missed or ignored the warning signs. But whatever it was, your girlfriend should have told you if something was wrong, and given you the chance to put it right. A relationship is nothing without loyalty and trust.
You are probably wondering why your girlfriend cheated on you. It usually helps to understand the reason. Here are some clues about why women cheat. Lots of these reasons are no different from why men cheat.
- I knew I wouldn’t be found out – MANY people have confessed that they would quite happily cheat if they could be sure their other half would never find out. In the end whether or not someone cheats comes down to character.
- A cheat’s way to end a relationship – there was nothing really WRONG with the relationship, and it was easier than trying to come up with a good reason to end it. A sure sign of this is when it’s clear she WANTS you to find out.
- The man tempted me and I did eat – well, it worked for Adam. She met someone who wanted to sleep with her (duh!) and surrendered to his blandishments. If a man knows the right way to seduce a woman, she’s putty in his hands.
- I didn’t love him, it was just lust – he was gorgeous, the moment was right, the sex was amazing – what can she say?
- Some women really like sex – women are quite capable of emotionless sex if they consciously view it as a purely physical experience. And when it doesn’t involve love, it feels as if it doesn’t really count – just like cheating men always say.
Sometimes it’s best to accept that you were wrong for each other and learn to spot the red flags sooner next time. Women can often be quicker than men to spot when something’s not working.
Be More Discriminating When You Choose
If finding your girlfriend cheated on you is becoming a habit, then obviously you’re choosing the wrong kind of woman. When it comes to a relationship, you need to be a lot pickier than you would be when just looking for someone to sleep with.
The trouble is that, unless a man has a lot of options, the woman who was OK to sleep with can turn into a girlfriend, just because she started calling you her boyfriend and you didn’t want to go back to living a celibate life.
This is a bad, bad way to acquire a girlfriend.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. If you end up dating any woman who’ll sleep with you, then you are projecting low value and settling for whatever you can get. You shouldn’t be surprised then that your girlfriend cheated on you.
You need to think about what qualities you really want in a girlfriend and actively choose someone who is closer to that ideal. Not exactly the ideal, of course, because nobody’s perfect; but a lot closer than you’ve been getting in the past.
But what if you thought you had a great relationship, and yet she still ended up finding someone else?
Your Girlfriend Cheated On You – What Went Wrong?
Women look for emotional connection in a relationship. I‘m sure men do too, but they also seem to spend a lot of their life disconnected from their emotions. Certainly they don’t live through them in the same way that women do, constantly feeling something, aware of what is happening around them and responding to it emotionally.
In fact, man’s bliss often seems to lie in nothingness.
So it takes an effort to try to understand the world through the experience of the opposite sex. Both partners need to try to do this; otherwise they end up in a state of permanent disconnection. Sadly this is the ongoing state of many relationships.
When a woman (especially one with self-esteem issues) feels emotionally cut off from her boyfriend, she starts to feel adrift and unloved. This is a scary place for her – and a dangerous one for you.
When a woman’s emotional needs are not being fulfilled through her relationship, she will start to look for emotional connection elsewhere. That is why the lover is usually someone she knows; a man she starts to confide in and who offers her the attention, appreciation and understanding that she no longer gets from her boyfriend.
It’s said that the first truth about men is this: ‘Why do I have to tell you I love you? I already told you once’.
Well, once isn’t enough. Women need to feel your love as a constant presence.
Lots of men get a bit lazy as their relationship settles into the ‘comfortable’ phase. They stop making the special effort they put into winning her, and start to take her for granted – at least, this is how it feels to her. Also they may be heavily involved in their careers; which further distracts them from their relationship. The relationship starts to become something they’ll get to later, when they have more time.
Because men don’t live through their emotions, they don’t see this as a problem. They know that their love is still alive in their emotional compartment (currently filed away but available for redeployment when the opportunity arises); and assume that she knows it too. It’s as if, having notified his girlfriend that she is loved, she is expected to ignore the lack of evidence and accept it as the status quo until informed differently.
Because women do live through their emotions, they experience their boyfriend’s emotional withdrawal as proof of his growing indifference. By the time she cheats on him, she will have convinced herself that her boyfriend no longer loves her –in fact, that he doesn’t really care much what she does.
There may be other factors relevant to your own situation, but this is a common pattern of relationship breakdown. Many women have a basic neediness and insecurity that is easily awakened by anything they perceive as neglect.
That’s why they often complain of being ignored or lonely or neglected when explaining why they cheated.
This kind of thing is far less likely to happen with a woman who is confident and has a good sense of her own self-worth. That’s why it’s important to set standards for yourself and not settle for the first willing woman who comes along. You reap what you sow.
Your Girlfriend Cheated On You – But You Need to Move On
Now that you understand a little more about why your girlfriend cheated, it’s time to think about how you will move on with your life.
If you want to get her back, you need to forgive her.
Even if you don’t, you still need to tolerate her (or her memory) – and forgive yourself. Remember that you are not doing this for her, but for you. As long as you hold on to your anger and bitterness, you will be a prisoner of your past – and of your girlfriend’s betrayal. Learning to be indifferent to her is the best present you can give yourself.
But how did you end up in this mess?
As well as the outrage to your male pride and sense of identity, there is the humiliation of wondering whether everybody knew except you. Unlike women, who are more sensitive to the nuances of behaviour, men often have no idea that their girlfriend is cheating until they are explicitly told.
Women are much better at hiding things. They are less careless about leaving evidence lying around (unless they want to be found out), and they are better at avoiding the kind of give-away behaviour that so often betrays men.
Discovering that he has been deceived can lead a man to question the very foundations of his life, as he wonders how many other aspects of it are not what he imagined.
Don’t Bring Negative Expectations to Your Next Relationship
Just because your girlfriend cheated on you in the past, don’t carry this forward into the future. When you start dating someone new, it won’t help if you’re already expecting her to cheat before you go on your first date.
If the wounds are still too fresh for you to be able to give another woman your trust, then you need to take a break from dating. Remember that a well-rounded person has many aspects to their life, so give your time and energy to your work, your hobbies, your friends and building a great life for yourself.
When you have a great life, you exude a positive energy that attracts great people whose company you will enjoy. As you meet more and better people, you will also be increasing your chances of meeting a great woman who will enhance your life rather than diminishing it.
So do a test on yourself. If you are having a lot of thoughts beginning “Women always…” or “Women never…”, then you need to do some work on letting go of your issues around women. Just like men, women are all different; but the good ones won’t waste their time with a man who clearly dislikes and distrusts their whole sex.
They have too many better options to choose from.
Remember that cheaters never win in the long run – unless you let them. Just because your girlfriend cheated on you, don’t let it ruin your life. The chances are that the man she left you for will find himself standing in your shoes one day.
Forgive yourself, forget her and leave the bad times in the past. Use the experience to learn more about women, about how to choose better in future, and understanding more about what makes a good relationship work, and you efforts will be rewarded.
If you believe that you and your girlfriend still have a future together, then you’ll need to devise a strategy to pull thing back together. This means knowing what to do despite your girlfriend having the upper hand at the moment. Get some advice on this from a man who knows how to recreate massive attraction with an ex girlfriend but watching this video now.