How much arguing and fighting is normal? If you’ve been arguing or fighting a lot with your girlfriend recently, how big a danger sign is it? And how you stop arguing and fighting with your girlfriend?
There are always going to be clashes in a relationship. Nobody agrees all the time, and there is always going to be friction. You both have differing opinions, and you won’t always want the same things. But it’s important not to let small disagreements turn into massive and frequent fights.
Constant fighting is wearing and dispiriting, and it saps the strength of a relationship. It suggests that communication between you is breaking down, and it calls your compatibility into question. In the heat of the moment It is often difficult not to feel you need to defend your position no matter what, but this inflexibility will lead to entrenched positions from which it is difficult to back down.
You need to find a more effective way to resolve your quarrels. Here are some tactics you can try using to help solve your problems more peacefully.
Step 1 – Stop Shouting and Take a Step Backwards
When a fight develops, try to calm down and take a step backwards before the situation gets out of hand. As long as you are yelling at each another, things will only get worse. You may also say or do something in the heat of the moment that you later regret. It’s a good idea to devise a strategy to help you calm yourself which you can use when you feel your temper rising. Breathing techniques or mental distractions can help here. You won’t solve anything if you are not even in control of yourself.
Step 2 – Don’t Worry About the Small Things
Know when and how to choose your fights. Stepping back will give you a chance to realise that some things really aren’t that important. Accept that you can’t have your own way all the time. Just because your girlfriend is late, or she forgot something, is it really worth turning it into a major issue? Life is full or minor annoyances, and often it’s better not to let them matter too much. Move on.
Step 3 – Spend Some Time Apart
When it’s something big, it’s often more effective to take some time apart for both of you to think about what happened and get some perspective. Go out for a walk or do some physical task that forces you to expend energy while allowing you thoughts to roam freely. Think about why you were fighting. Be clear in your mind about your feelings, including why you were angry. You need to have something concrete and positive to work from when you are ready to talk about it together.
Step 4 – Talk Your Problems Through
Make sure you have taken enough time before you start talking things through – you don’t want to find yourself getting angry all over again. Be ready to explain your position in a thoughtful and non-confrontational way; and to listen carefully to your girlfriend do the same. Beware of jumping in to interrupt when she says something you disagree with. Listen to each other and take the opportunity to learn more about yourselves, both as individuals and as a couple.
Step 5 – Understand the Real Reason For Your Arguments
Many couples find the same arguments occurring repeatedly, because the issues are never resolved. This may be because you have failed to identify the real causes of the fight up to now. What you think is the reason may only be a symptom, while the real problem lies deeper. Keep talking until you get there. A good sign is when you no longer have to exercise control to suppress your anger. Understanding generates forgiveness. As the problem becomes clear, you should begin to see the beginnings of a solution.
Step 6 – Explain Your Feelings and Try to Understand Hers
Communicate with your girlfriend by telling her how you feel. Women understand life through their feelings, and this is a more effective way of explaining yourself to her than relying on logic. Although this probably isn’t very easy or natural for you, it’s worth making the effort for the connection it will establish with your girlfriend. Talking about things really does make her feel better.
Listen to her feelings and try to understand her point of view. Use the knowledge you have gained to work towards a solution. Remember that women need to talk about their feelings, so take some trouble to make her feel understood before you start proposing solutions. She will be much more receptive if she feels you have listened to her properly. Men have a tendency to want to fix things as quickly as possible which can make your girlfriend feel that she is being manipulated or ignored.
Step 7 – Remember the Bigger Picture
Just because an argument seems trivial, it doesn’t mean it isn’t important. Sometimes trivial things indicate a deeper pattern. Think about what triggers the rows between you and your girlfriend and see if there is a pattern. Are there ways in which you are constantly rubbing each other up the wrong way?
Identifying the triggers that set you off can help you to stop rows before they start in future. Lots of couples fight regularly about the same things, because they keep doing something (sometimes deliberately) that sets their partner off. Provoking your girlfriend, whether intentionally or not, is immature and very counter-productive; so identifying this kind of pattern can go a long way towards stopping your relationship being eroded by rows.
How to Stop Arguing and Fighting With Your Girlfriend
Try to overcome the urge to be ‘right’ all the time. Learn to give way graciously on occasion, and you will find your girlfriend responding in kind. Treating other people in the way you want to be treated is a powerful weapon. If you can stop competing and have an open conversation instead, you’ll have a much more harmonious and loving relationship.
None of this is easy, and it will take time and resolve to apply it effectively. It’s much easier to shout and demand your own way than to try to see someone else’s point of view, and consider their opinion. Being able to resolve rows, or better still, avoid them, is a sign of emotional maturity and leadership. These qualities are very attractive to women. You have a lot to gain by mastering them.
In the end it really comes down to self control and consideration. Just because your girlfriend’s view or opinion is different from yours, it doesn’t make it wrong. If you want to stop arguing and fighting with your girlfriend, then you must learn to accept each other’s differences and live with them.
It’s not easy to do though. Get some tips on how to have a calmer and happier relationship here.